Updated: Jun 12, 2019
Roots of the problem vs growing your success
I have had some difficult setbacks in my personal life! I sometimes used to put on my brave face and trying to please others as a way of coping. This has led to anger, anxiety and depression in my life!
People moan at negative people for not being positive enough. When I felt down some people would ask me “cheer up think positive” or “just smile” or “there is nothing to worry about.” So you are all probably thinking why on earth a Solution Focused Hypnotherapist like myself mentioning the word “negativity” as it’s a “dirty word! People would tell me “Come on Mr B your a Hypnotherapist so you should be able to work out the solutions in your life”. Those quotes are not helpful with sufferers of chronic illnesses as like me those comments can lead to frustration and anxiety.
When my clients come into the consultation room I always have that discussion with them to see whether they are ready for Hypnotherapy. If a client is not ready to make positive changes in their life. Then it is usually common for clients to always mutually agree that Solution Focused hypnotherapy is not the right therapy for them as they may need a therapist to understand and talk about their past experiences in more of an analytical way.
From my own observation in practice, people never moan at people for being too positive. Actually from my experience being too positive is the same effect as being too negative. As people rattle on at me about trying to make you a positive person when actually all i want to do is to have my own space and sometimes just let emotions out about the situation. Showing positive and negative emotions in my opinion makes us human whether it’s through chronic pain, relationships, grieve etc.
You deserve the best
So the key lesson I have learnt is that “you need to be yourself!” What does being yourself mean? It means to believe in yourself, knowing your self worth, to love yourself, take time to relax, to sleep well, eat balanced healthy diet, exercise, spend time with the people who build you up, to have the courage to talk to others about your gremlins and find ways of coping each day. If we cannot be ourselves then it’s difficult to move forward positively.
Why is this? I will share an example from experience. I developed Glaucoma when I was an infant, which effected both eyes, as I lost my right eye, at the same time leaving my left eye with poor vision. As a child I always wanted to become a nurse as I love people and was always fascinated with health sciences. When I was 15 years old I went to visit an occupational health specialist who told me I will never become a nurse due to my eyesight! Leaving the room I felt so numb and shocked of being told I couldn’t do something as a result of my disability. I started to ask, “why me!”. All of a sudden my primitive response is to fight/flight/ depression response kicked in! I was scared of looking weak or showing my emotions to others. So I tried to cover up my feelings with trying to be positive and people would be unaware as I would smile, act like I was confident and mr cool.
At the same time I was feeling fearful of not revealing my sheer frustration and anger deep constant worry as I was scared of being treated disabled or weird! By not telling someone about my fears, prevented finding positive solutions to cope on a daily basis and started to worry about the outcome of my future.
It wasn’t until I spoke to somebody who was supportive and listened to me provided myself an opportunity to acknowledge and process a bad situation. After talking to that supportive friends and having the right support networks, I was able to turn around a very negative situation into a positive life changing situation by opening brand new opportunities in my life!
So the message is folks don’t fall in the trap of pretending to be happy if you are not. If you acknowledge, talk and reflection on your inner self with a trusted person. This will enable you to cope with chronic pain, grieve, fearful events anxieties, emotions in a positive way. As a result this will enable you to find solutions you want to build a positive future.
If you feel inspired by my Solution Focused Hypnotherapy post and would like to find out more - then please feel drop me an email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to arrange a chat.